It insulates the cupboard where it is kept.

It keeps the economy moving.  It is my duty to support cotton farmers, textile mills and fabric shops.

It is less expensive and more fun than psychiatric care.

I'm participating in a contest - the one who dies with the most fabric wins.

It keeps without refrigeration, you don't have to cook it to enjoy it, you'll never have to feed it, change it, wipe its nose or walk it.

Because I'm worth it.

Like dust, it's good for protecting previously empty spaces in the house.  Like the ironing board, the laundry basket, the dining room table.

It's not immoral, illegal or fattening.  It calms the nerves, gratifies the soul and makes me feel good.

Because it is on sale.

Buy it now, before your husband retires and goes with you on all your shopping expeditions!

And, it's a great way to drive your husband crazy!